So, How Was Your Decade?: Growth After Trauma and Views of Future You

“Even in the face of unthinkable tragedy, possibilities for growth are waiting for you.”

-Richard Tedeschi and Bret Moore, The Posttraumatic Growth Workbook, 2016

The sky opened up over Frederick, Maryland, roughly halfway through the 13-mile obstacle course. Mud and rain became the order of the day and none of us cared. 

Before we could celebrate with those coveted orange headbands and free beer, the 2012 Mid-Atlantic Tough Mudder had one final test for us. One final problem to solve…

Leading up to the day the question—among many about logistics—had been simple, and yet it remained unanswered even as our dozen-or-so-man team stood there poised to attack it:

How to get a single individual (me!) up a slick, towering quarter pipe wall aptly named “Everest”?

What we settled on was a combination of a human ladder strategy, brute strength, and web of interlocking arms and legs hoisting and holding me up from below…

…and a secondary web belonging to complete strangers atop the wall to hold those who were holding me and to then pull me up to the Everest’s summit. 

It was not easy, straightforward, problem-free, or painless… Challenges of this magnitude rarely are.

* * *

I am many things and I do many things. Among these, I’m nostalgic (to a fault) and I set goals. Big goals, small goals, personal and professional. I write them down and look at them often.

Hi. I’m Michael.

10 years ago, in an ongoing Word Document called “Thoughts” I wrote a list of things to accomplish in the 20-Teens while journaling bullet points about where I’d been, where I was going, and where my 24 year old head was.

With the new decade dawning, I recently revisited my old thoughts and goals to take stock of myself and to begin crafting my new To-Accomplish list. 

Proudly seeing goals checked-off like “Finish Top 10 in a marathon”, “Ski more” and “Make steps towards the Paralympics” I randomly started thinking about which specific words—and then which images or pictures—summed up my 2010’s.

I didn’t have to think long.

The last ten years, I realized, had been defined by betterment. By Growth.

Real and profound Growth. On all fronts. Inside and out. Personal and professional. 

And this collage of might and determination would be the flagship visual symbolic of that decade.

Encapsulating the journey before, during and after my road’s rerouting, she’s a depiction of the army of aid around me featuring people I know and love, others I’ve never even met, and the web of support that’s often unseen behind closed doors.

This photo is also of the top 3rd of the Everest wall.

Below and out of sight are teammates literally lying down at the base of the wall, standing on shoulders to form a human ladder beginning on flat muddy ground and curving up the wall—all to support the people who are supporting me.

In addition to being how and where I met my wife—despite neither of us realizing it until 3 days later—it’s a gritty, bare-bones portrayal of the transition into my post-trauma growth.

My “PTG” if you will.

* * *

Posttraumatic Growth (PTG) is a growing scientific phenomenon coined in the early 1990s by psychologist Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun from the University of North Carolina at Charlotte.

They’ve defined PTG as “positive change experienced as a result of the struggle with a major life crisis or a traumatic event.” (https://ptgi.uncc.edu/what-is-ptg/)

“The frightening and confusing aftermath of trauma, where fundamental assumptions are severely challenged, can be fertile ground for unexpected outcomes that can be observed in survivors: posttraumatic growth.” (Tedeschi and Calhoun, “PTG: Conceptual Foundations and Empirical Evidence”, 2004.)

According to the professionals achieving Posttraumatic Growth can happen in several ways—

But one of the most important facilitators of this phenomenon involves vulnerability and a refusal to fall into a “go-it-alone” mentality.

In other words, “Asking for help is one of the most important ingredients in posttraumatic growth.” (Tedeschi and Moore, The Posttraumatic Growth Workbook , 2016.)

Additionally, within the psychology of PTG it is generally accepted that growth after trauma does not happen overnight. Nor over a span of days or weeks or months, even years.

It is a long-game outcome, researchers conclude. They’re not wrong.

For me, it took somewhere between two and three years after my traumatic event in 2007 to fully recognize the blessings of my severed spine.

“I’m at turning point in my life.” I wrote in January 2010, adding to that ‘Thoughts’ Document.

“I’m almost 3 years into the wheelchair—I’ve settled, I’m used to it…I know my path. I am determined…”

“I have goals I can reach,” I wrote further. “I feel stronger, body and mind. I am beginning my transition and at the starting line heading towards something great. A new decade.”

* * *

Today it continues. And as I look back over the decade there’s no better image to  also remind me that my growth has never been a solitary feat.

I’ve had help, I’ve asked for help, I’ve embraced help.

Nor was growth easy, straightforward, problem-free, or painless. Now, as I grow still and face different sized Everests daily…growth is still no picnic.

But I’m not alone. I wasn’t in 2010. I wasn’t in muddy 2012. And I won’t be in 2020.

What our team accomplished that stormy September Saturday on that final obstacle in Frederick was a testament to the human spirit. It was an emotional manifestation of the power of will.

It was proof of how far a group of individuals can go as a team and what they can accomplish when forged together as one…

…when faced with moments of adversity or presented with an obstacle that—literally, in every sense—has to be overcome.

Whether you’re in the thick of it at the next Tough Mudder or going about your normal routine mud-free, none of us are ever alone in any fight.

Ever. No matter the obstacles in front of us.

There’s always—ALWAYS—a ladder of support below, above, and around us and a helpful hand or four somewhere nearby, outstretched and waiting… Ready and willing to pull you up and over the top.

All you have to do is reach out and grab hold.

No one faces Everest alone. 

* * *

You are many things and you do many things.

But for right now (or in the next few days) I invite you to join me in my nostalgia and goal setting as I challenge you to take stock and create a vision of the future You.

Write a list. Take notes. And if you’re feeling bold, share your One Word or One Photo below that describes your decade or the one you want moving forward.

Think of who you were in the last decade…

Now. Imagine who you will become in the next?